How to Invite Happiness Back Into Your Life

"All my life I've wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should've been more specific." - Jane Wagner, Playwright

I just love this quote by Jane Wagner, as it describes how most of my clients feel when they first come to me for help. They know something isn’t working in their life, and they’re fairly certain that they’re not happy, but they haven’t figured out how to invite the state of happiness back into their life. Frankly, they’re still trying to figure out who that ‘somebody’ is in the big picture.
When I ask them “What does that ‘somebody’ look like to you?”, I usually get a blank stare back until they get their “Aha!” moment and are able to answer me. I also refer to this as one of those “Wake up, Alice – this ain’t Wonderland” moments” in my coaching practice.

I remember when I first started coaching, I just wanted to help women be successful. Right! That was about as clear as mud. It's no wonder it took me so long to get where I was going. And yes, I would whine because I didn't get what I wanted. Imagine that. Thank goodness, I personally have had excellent coaches and mentors who taught me that if you want to get somewhere in your life, you're going to have to get a lot more specific if you want to get there. You're going to have to start asking different questions than the ones you've been asking.
Here's an exercise for you to do that will help you get specific about what you want and invite the state of being happy back into heart and life!

1. OK, what does ‘happy’ look like to you?
This is my favorite question as it really makes you think about what you want. Are you looking for more ME time, more money, more fun, more business etc.? Make a short list of what your desires are to help you get more focused.

2. Is it in keeping with my Core Values?
If you are living in a state where you’re constantly going against your beliefs, then it’s no wonder you’re not happy! Your Core Values are what makes you unique – what set’s you apart from everyone else. If you deliberately do things that are in direct disharmony from your values, you will never achieve true happiness.

3. What actions would I have to take to get there?
Well, depending on where ‘there’ is, the actions will be different. One thing I do know for certain is that without ANY action on your behalf, you will NEVER get anywhere! Change always involves action – you need to physically and mentally make an effort to change your behaviors in order to invite new habits into your life.

4. What kind of support would I need and from whom?
The biggest support you need in order to change is that which you get from yourself! If you are not your own biggest fan, then learn to build up your levels of self-confidence and self-esteem first. Do only those things that make you feel good inside and encourage you to aspire to do even more. Take that course to learn to speak Italian! Go enroll in piano or guitar lessons! Sign up for that Yoga class! It always helps if you can get support from your friends and family, but if that isn’t happening, consider getting a personal coach to get you to that next level.

5. How would I feel when I got there? Wherever ‘there’ is!
If you imagine NOW how you’ll feel when you get wherever ‘there’ is, you’re more likely to succeed. This is based on the Law of Attraction and it is a very obedient law. It always matches whatever vibrations you send, both negative and positive, so try envisioning being happy and content in wherever ‘there’ may be for you long before your arrive at that place.

6. How committed am I to getting there?
Are you only doing a little bit or are you willing to do whatever it takes to get you to that happy place? If you approach making the necessary changes in your life in a lackadaisical way, not caring if you really succeed, you might as well not waste your time and effort. You need to put 100% of your time, thought and energy into getting to where you want to go. 50% effort will only get you 50% positive results, and who wants to settle for only half a cookie when you can have the whole thing? You have to be willing to do the work – period. As the old saying goes, ‘Put your money where your mouth is!”


Are you starting to get the picture? The road is not as hard or as long when you know where you are going and you get really specific about your journey.

Try working these six steps for a month and see what happens. I’m sure you’re going to be very surprised at how you’ll feel. Everyone deserves to be happy so take time today to start inviting joy back into your life.

Posted in: Women's Issues